These are valuable recipes passed down and time-tested for over 2,400,000 years. They're the only drink recipes you'll ever need, regardless of what you've read in quiche-eating magazines like Details, GQ, and Cigar Aficionado. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a little bitch and needs to do shots immediately.

  1. Whiskey Shot
    Ingredients: whiskey
    Directions: Pour whiskey into a shot glass. Drink it.

  2. Vodka Shot
    Ingredients: vodka
    Directions: Pour vodka into a shot glass. Drink it.

  3. Tequila Shot
    Ingredients: tequila (no lime or salt! What are you, a sorority girl?)
    Directions: Pour tequila into a shot glass. Drink it.

  4. Soju Shot
    Ingredients: soju
    Directions: Pour soju into a shot glass. Drink it. Since this is only soju, immediately pour another shot and down that shit too! How the hell can you get into fights in K-Town with only one soju shot at a time?

  5. Appletini
    Ingredients: 2 cups sweet-and-sour mix, 1 1/2 cups vodka, 1 1/2 cups sweet and sour apple schnapps, 1 Granny Smith apple sliced (optional)
    Directions: Fill pitcher halfway with ice cubes. Add sweet-and-sour mix, vodka and Sour Apple Pucker and stir well to combine. Push apple slices onto rims of Martini glasses, if desired. Strain mixture into Martini glasses.
      Finally, throw the glass and all that other shit out, stop being such a bitch, and drink a shot!